When I was in college it seemed as if EVERYWHERE I turned I saw a couple holding hands, or my friends posting #relationshipgoals on Instagram/Twitter, and a recurring thought would come to my mind, as much as I would try to brush it off.. Why couldn’t I get a man?? The question digging a hole in the back of my mind went unanswered throughout college until I rededicated my life to Christ…of course he gave me the answer I needed, although it wasn’t the easiest pill to swallow.
Before Christ, I put so much emphasis and effort into my outward appearance. I always had to wear the latest clothes and the best shoes, nails/toes always had to be well-manicured, etc. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a woman keeping up with herself, however, I put more emphasis on improving my outward beauty than the inner me. This was exactly why my “Boaz” (I encourage you to read the book of Ruth so you can understand the reference) couldn’t find me. I was too busy trying to look like the world around me and not like Christ.
“…put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”
God told me, and began to show me, that my identity could never be found in this world or based on other people’s opinions of me. But rather, my identity is found in Christ and Christ alone! He told me that I am his child, the daughter of the one true King, and should behave as such. He told me that He has great plans for me, plans for me to grow and prosper (Jeremiah 29:11), that he consecrated me before I was even born (Jeremiah 1:5)! He told me that he has called me for such a time as this! To be used by him for his glory!
Sis, I have good news for you: he has plans for you too! But first, you must understand and embrace the royalty that you are in Christ! For we belong to a beautiful body, and as you grow spiritually the Father will lead you toward a righteous life: a life of modesty, a life of purity and integrity. It will be a bumpy road, the enemy will do everything in his power to destroy the plans our Father has for you. But if you understand who you are, there will be nothing the enemy can do to stop you!
I will have another post with good advice on Godly dating and courtship for you guys really soon. In this particular post I want to focus more on how important it is to our Father to maximize your single season. The apostle Paul gives us the perfect visual when he described why singlehood is precious in the sight of God:
“The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.”
“The unmarried woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.”
1 Corinthians 7:32-34
You are single, and I know there are times when it feels like you will NEVER get married and you see no light at the end of the tunnel. But honey, you have work to do!! The apostle Paul goes on to say that during singleness we as Christians should be giving our undivided devotion to God.
Now, this isn’t to assume that every woman who is single has endless amount of time and resources. Some of us have children, some of us have a full workload, some of us have burdening financial responsibilities and other obligations that take up a lot of our time. However, imagine how much MORE time you WON’T have after marriage? When you’re so in love and so devoted to pleasing your hubby and nurturing your cute little family, while STILL dedicating time to the Lord and in ministry? You guessed it…it will be that much harder. This is why Paul warns us not to yearn for marriage. Hun, trust and believe that if it is in the will of God for you to be married, it will happen! But as a single Christian you have an assignment to complete before you walk down the aisle in your pretty dress and say “I Do” to your earthly king. Here are some things you should prioritize while you are single:
Get to know the God you Serve!
Open your Bible, read it!! Develop a study plan, I have a few useful tips on starting a bible study routine here. Find a bible-based church home if you don’t have one already. Improve your prayer life. You may not immediately feel a closeness with God but He is noticing your efforts and is with you every step of the way!
Seek the Lord and his strength; seek His presence continually.
1 Chronicles 16:23
Abstain from sex
I won’t go into much detail here but I cannot even begin to stress the importance of remaining abstinent while you are single. It is okay if you aren’t a virgin anymore! What’s so good about God’s grace is that it washes us clean, we have a fresh start in Christ!
Sex before marriage has the ability to cloud our judgment, affect our closeness with God, and usually when we’re having open sexual encounters we are looking to fill a void that only God can fill! When dating it is important to abstain from sex with your partner in order to determine whether your partner is the one whom God has sent for you. Ladies, the right man for you will a) respect your desire to wait for marriage and/or b) already be committed to abstinence! Premarital sex will never be the will of God and if this is something that you are struggling with, bring it to the Lord! Continue to seek Him and he will naturally lead you toward abstinence.
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
Prepare for your future
Use your single season to advance your career, start that business you’ve been thinking about, save money, get your degree(s), establish yourself! Take advantage of the time and resources you have to accomplish your goals. I’ve had conversations with women who have gotten married and were forced to put their dreams on hold for their family. One woman wishes she had more time to pursue her dreams. This isn’t always the case, but something to consider if you are in the single slumps. Go and be great!
Work on your physical health/well-being
This is self-explanatory. Get that body right, improve your eating habits. Read books that will help you grow spiritually and intellectually. Take kind and loving care of the temple God has given you.
…do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?
1 Corinthians 6:19
Ministry!! Get to serving!
Last but certainly not least, in fact, I think this is most important: serve, honey, serve! Get involved in the task of improving your community. Help the poor, join a non-profit organization, volunteer your time, find out about the different ministries within your church and join at least one. Jesus tells us that we are all called to serve others, he spent his entire ministry being a servant to all and He is the son of God!
Giving your time unto the Lord is the sweetest worship. He wants our servitude at all walks of life, but while we are single, we have the most time that we will ever have to expand His Kingdom.
May you all be blessed during your single years. May God give you peace and the grace to endure the difficulties you may encounter along the way. I encourage you all to talk to the Lord about the desires of your heart. Pray for your future hubby, you’ve got to think: just as God is working on you, he is also working on him! Pray that God will continue to prepare him for you, and vice versa. Don’t lose faith! And remember, you’ve got an assignment to complete, so get to work! ❤